Top 10 Ways to Stop Being a Fat Ass

Top 10 Ways to Stop Being a Fat Ass

1: Get off your ass

Drag your lazy butt off the couch and move it. Aim for at least 30 minutes of sweating your ass off daily. Run, bike, swim, or do whatever gets your heart pumping and burns those extra donuts you've been shoving in your face.

2: Stop eating like a pig

Cut the crap and start eating real food. Ditch the processed junk, sugary crap, and fast food. Fill your plate with veggies, lean meats, and whole grains. Your gut will thank you for not treating it like a garbage disposal.

3: Control your portions, fatty

Use a smaller plate, you glutton. Measure your food and stop eating when you're full, not when you're about to explode. Your stomach isn't a bottomless pit, so treat it with some respect.

4: Chug water, not soda

Put down that liquid candy and grab some H2O. Your body needs water, not that sugary crap. Staying hydrated helps you feel full and might stop you from mistaking thirst for hunger, you dehydrated potato.

5: Get your beauty sleep

Stop binge-watching Netflix until 3 AM and get your ass to bed. Aim for 7-9 hours of shut-eye. Lack of sleep messes with your hormones and makes you eat like a starved animal.

6: Chill the hell out

Find a way to manage your stress that doesn't involve face-planting into a tub of ice cream. Try meditation, yoga, or punching a pillow. Just don't let stress turn you into an emotional eating machine.

7: Plan your meals, you disorganized slob

Stop winging it with your meals. Plan that shit out in advance so you're not tempted to order pizza every night. Meal prep is your new best friend.

8: Ditch the booze, lush

Put down that beer and back away from the wine. Alcohol is just empty calories that lead to bad decisions, like thinking the drive-thru is a good idea at 2 AM.

9: Move your ass more

Find ways to be less of a couch potato throughout the day. Take the stairs, park farther away, or do some jumping jacks during commercials. Every little bit helps, you sedentary slug.

10: Get some damn support

Find people who will call you out on your BS and keep you accountable. Join a gym, get a trainer, or find a workout buddy who won't let you slack off. Sometimes you need someone to kick your ass into gear.