Ben Franklin: The Founding Father of Wacky Brilliance

Benjamin Franklin was many things - a printer, writer, scientist, inventor, statesman, and of course, our nation's most eccentric and kite-obsessed Founding Father.

Born in 1706 to a modest family of candlemakers in Boston, young Benny showed an early penchant for unconventional thinking and bizarre hobbies. As a child, he invented the first known swim fins by strapping wooden planks to his hands and feet. He also pioneered extreme snacking by habitually walking through town munching on entire wheels of cheese.

Franklin's quirky brilliance truly began to blossom during his teenage years as a printer's apprentice. Unsatisfied with the bland publications of the day, he wrote and published a series of hilarious farting essays under the pseudonym "Fart-icus Maximus." Literary critics were outraged, but the working class lapped it up, making Franklin an early champion of juvenile humor and bodily function jokes.

His scientific pursuits were no less eccentric. Franklin is credited with mapping the Gulf Stream current by tossing dozens of casks of stale bread into the Atlantic and meticulously tracking their path. He also conducted pioneering research into electricity by flying a kite in a thunderstorm while wearing a metal swimsuit and rubber boots - an experiment that would get any modern scientist immediately fired or institutionalized.

But Franklin's crowning achievement in wacky brilliance was undoubtedly his invention of the Franklin Stove in 1742. Designed to provide more efficient heating, this cast iron furnace looked like a cross between a bathroom fixture and a medieval torture device. It also had the delightful side effect of belching acrid smoke into the room if not properly vented. The Franklin Stove was an instant hit among the nation's most masochistic homeowners.

During the American Revolution, Franklin put his quirky talents to use as a diplomat in France. He charmed the French by showing up to royal events wearing a ratty fur cap and holding a chunk of air from the cask he used to cross the Atlantic. The French, masters of sophistication, were utterly baffled by this bizarre American and his rustic headgear.

In his later years, Franklin became a true Renaissance weirdo. He proposed innovative concepts like paying people to be aired instead of jailed and convincing the British to repopulate America with convicted criminals. He joined quirky clubs with names like the "Fart-Catching Club" and the "Leather Apron Club" (exactly what it sounds like). And of course, he spent an inordinate amount of time naked, giving rise to the famous quote "A penny saved is a penny to be pantsless."

Benjamin Franklin lived to the ripe old age of 84, which was frankly shocking given his penchant for being struck by lightning, ingesting noxious fumes, and prancing about in the nude. He left behind a lasting legacy as a brilliant statesman, pioneering scientist, and America's first true eccentric genius. Modern scientists still can't decide if he was a mad genius or just plain mad. But one thing is certain - old Ben was always good for a laugh and a shock, both literally and figuratively.